Important things...

As many of you already know, my father, Tom Kelley, has been diagnosed once again with cancer.  This time, though, it's much more aggressive and has manifested itself all over my father's body.  The doctor, who I have the utmost respect for, was very honest and frank with my family.  He told us that no treatment could take care of what was growing within my father's body.  We were given a window of 6 to 12 months to spend with Dad before he goes to be with God.  Needless to say, we were all devastated.  Not so much, because Dad isn't secure in where he is going.  We feel pretty safe on that one.  More or less, we don't want to see him in pain, and we don't want to see our mother alone.

A couple of years ago, I came to a huge realization in my life.  I realized that we were not created to be loners.  We weren't created to be hermits; living in caves in the mountains with our pet billy goats and eating squirrels for every meal.  Although, I hear squirrel is quite tasty.  We don't get married JUST for love.  God created eve for a reason.  He wanted us in community.  We aren't meant to be alone.  Whether it's in marriage, friendship, work, or faith, God intended for us to be in community with others.  I type this as I'm sitting in my office, as I do most weeks, alone.....figures.

I fear for the loneliness of my mother.  For more than 35 years, my parents have lived together; in love, with family, in community.  My dad means everything to my mother.  The hardest thing I've ever had to swallow in my life, so far, was hearing my mom, tears in her eyes and sobbing, "What am I going to do without you?"  That was quickly followed by, "I don't want you to go through this."  My mom understood two things that day.  She doesn't want to go through this life without the man that's been there for most of it, and she doesn't want to see this man hurt.  

I learned a long time ago that my parents were in real love with each other.  They've always put up with each other's silliness from time to time.  They've had the money fights.  They've had their moments where they weren't really speaking to each other, and dad would leave for a couple hours.  Yet, through all those times, I never heard the word hate.  They NEVER talked about divorce or living apart.  Somehow, they always made it work.  I was given a master's course in what love was through my upbringing.  I was taught what living in community is all about.  They never wanted to be apart, and they never wanted to see each other hurt.

Living with someone.  Loving someone.  Being in community with someone isn't always rainbows and butterflies, like my friend Connie always liked to joke about.  There are fights, arguments, and anger.  There are also times of deep caring, comfort, and appreciation.  I really feel like love encompasses all of these.  It's beyond perfect.  It's real.  WE aren't perfect, and unfortunately, we don't always want to be real either.  

That's always been my fear.  I've always been reserved about relationships, because I don't feel that people are willing to accept the real person.  I'm also skeptical about how "REAL" people are being.  I don't really have a place for the fake.  I don't really have a place where I'm willing to deal with the "two-faced" individual.  As far as friends, family, lovers, and co-workers go, we need to be in community, but if the people are not real, then it's not real community.

My parents are about as real as you'll find.  Like 'em, love 'em, or hate 'em.  They're real people.  I am truly blessed to have had a father like that.  A year from now, I may be writing a blog about the memories of my father, but for right now, I'm looking forward to another 6 months to a year of making new ones.

If you're reading this, don't take your relationships for granted.  God gave them to us for a reason.  Don't segregate yourself from relationships.  Don't pull away from those who truly love you.  God never meant for us to be alone.